Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
