I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
