I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
