I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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