Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
