You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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