turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
