i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
