I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
