Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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