remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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