How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
