I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
