Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
