dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
