Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and she was petting her beer can
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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