So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
