It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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