Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
