So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
