Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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