1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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