Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
