What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize