i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
