Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
