I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
