i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
