I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
