dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
