We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize