So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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