Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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