College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
