There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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