i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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