i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
