So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
