I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
