so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
