My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
