dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
