this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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