I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize