i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
