zippers are such a cool invention
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
