whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
