This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
