There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
