I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i think my cat just said my name.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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