Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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