My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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