Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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