Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
