I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
