We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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