Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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