Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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