listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
