Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
