Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
