Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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