I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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