so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
