dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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