just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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