living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
