When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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